Untethered Paws

R-U-Ok? We are here.

Losing a service dog is not losing a pet.

It is losing your medical alert system. Your mobility brace. Your emotional anchor. Your reason to get up in the morning.

This page is for what comes after.

🦮 The Phantom Leash

"Three weeks after Jiraiya passed, I fell in the kitchen. When I caught my breath, I instinctively reached for his vest hanging by the door. It wasn't there."

— Miko & Jiraiya's human

The phantom leash is real. You will reach for them. You will hear their tags jingling in empty rooms. You will wake up and expect to feel their weight against your leg.

This is not weakness. This is 16 and 15 years of muscle memory. It takes time to unlearn.

💔 What No One Warns You About

You will reach for a leash that isn't there
You will "hear" their tags jingling for months
You will feel unsafe in public without them
Friends will say "just get another dog" (don't punch them, but want to)
Your disability will feel 3x harder overnight
You will feel guilty for feeling relief
You will feel guilty for laughing or having a good day
The silence in your home will be deafening

📌 You are not broken. You are grieving.

Every single one of these experiences is normal. Even the guilt. Even the relief. Even the moments you forget they are gone.

⏳ How to Survive the First 30 Days

Week 1 – Just breathe

Drink water. Eat something. Sleep when you can.
Do not make any major decisions.
Cry. As much as you need. Wherever you need.
Let people bring you food. Let them sit in silence with you.

Week 2 – Small anchors

Set one alarm to remind you to eat lunch.
Put a glass of water by your bed. Drink it when you wake up.
Go outside for 3 minutes. Even if you cry the whole time.

Week 3 – Reach out

Send one text: "I'm not okay. You don't need to fix it."
Post in a grief group. Or just read.
Call a pet loss hotline if you need to hear a human voice.

Week 4 – Honor them

Light a candle in their memory.
Write them a letter.
Walk their favorite trail — without them. Let yourself feel it.

🛡️ Disability Without Your Service Dog

No one prepares you for this part.

What helped me:

Sleeping with a weighted blanket (replaced their body weight)
Setting phone alarms for meds (they used to remind me)
Wearing their ID tag on a necklace
Using a mobility aid (cane, walker) — it is not giving up
Going out with a trusted human, not alone
Seeing a therapist who specializes in disability + pet loss

"I am 8 months out from losing both Miko and Jiraiya. I still cry. But the phantom leash in my hand doesn't pull as hard anymore."

🐕 The Guilt of Getting a New Service Dog

If and when you are ready — not before — you may think about a new prospect.

The guilt is real. It feels like betrayal. Like you are replacing them.

You are not.

A new dog does not erase the old one. It walks beside their memory. It does not replace their love — it adds to yours.

💖 Permission to heal

You are allowed to be happy again. You are allowed to love another dog. Miko and Jiraiya would want you to be okay. Not stuck in grief forever.

📞 Resources for You

Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement (APLB) – Free pet loss hotline
Lap of Love grief support groups – Free online groups
Rainbow Bridge grief support – Online community
A therapist who specializes in complicated grief – Search psychologytoday.com

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